You know that feeling you get when you’ve misplaced something and you don’t quite know what or where? But as soon as someone mentions it, you feel the thought just ploughs into your head at around 82mph, screeching its apologies for the delay but it got stuck behind your thoughts of dinner and the different choices you would have made had you been in charge of that investigation on Whitechapel last night. Well, I have quite suddenly been reminded that time is passing and I seem to have procrastinated away an entire week that I thought I still had going spare!
This is horrendous news.
I will soon be forced to exit my sanctuary and return to the real world once more which, in part I think I shall be looking forward to once it needs to become real. However until it does, I am in no hurry to throw away the very precious time I have for changes, choices, recuperation and relaxation. There will almost certainly be no other time in my life when this where I can only think about myself and my needs and have no-one else relying on me and it has taken me about two months to appreciate what I have. Now I have just under a month left to enjoy what I have and I realised that I have not been making full use of this opportunity. I am a touch angry at myself.
So, to rectify this I have given myself a stern talking to and decided that I must be more organised and start to make decisions I have been procrastinating over, put in motion plans I have been speculating about and general work the very extremes of my self-indulgence to make this time all about me!
God, that sounds horrible. But I’ve come to realise that ‘selfish’ is not the swear word I used to think it was. The truth of the matter is, if you’re not selfish then you lose out. Because there are few people who will put your own needs and desires before their own.
Now I’m not being melodramatic and turning my back on the cruel world and I certainly don’t intend to change who I am in favour of a self-obsessed, self-centred, base attention seeker. I know enough of them as it is… I’m just perhaps more aware of the amount of time I give other people and stupidly, people who barely notice and certainly don’t appreciate the efforts. As someone told me once, saying no to something is not a negative, it is simply saying yes to something else that is more important to you. And that’s always a good thing.
So I suppose I haven’t really lost a week, instead, I have used it to do very little indeed. I made a conscious choice to not get anything productive done and to instead read a little, play a little and gaze into the distance a little. Other than that I could not tell you what I used my time for. But that’s ok because I chose to do that.
And in that case I guess this should really be labelled ‘Missing – 1 week. Just thought I’d let you know.’